


accidentals.

by cozdin



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Accidents, Guilt, M/M, Murder, Shooting Guns, Sorry Not Sorry, aaron burr is like, everybody kinda hates laurens but feels super bad with only a few believing his story., go and shoot ur husband, he fucked up k man?, look laurens didn’t mean to, man this is gay, man this is gonna get sad, sorry - Freeform, this isn’t fluff guys, “wait did i just-“, ”shiT!”
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-19 09:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22708771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cozdin/pseuds/cozdin
Summary: “i didn’t mean to, i said to wait!-“nobody would believe that, john laurens thought.not after i shot my husband on accident with my own gun and soldiers.guilt. shame. sobs.laurens begins to doubt he’ll be okay again.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Kudos: 3





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> it was 11 pm one night  
> i was crying to the world was wide enough  
> and thought of lams
> 
> it’s self-explanatory

fuck. fuck. fuck, fuck, what the fuck did i do. what the hell do i!-

hamilton’s gaze fades as it weakens. he’s dying, he’s!- oh god, oh god.

laurens hands trembled as he dropped his gun, hands covering his mouth as hamilton fell. he watched as his soldiers went to pick hamilton up, his once before bright eyes turning bland in front of his own eyes. the tears were already swelling up in his eyes. “i just!- somebody, he!-“  
nobody listened as the blood leaked from hamilton’s hip. laurens lip quivered, john finally letting out a hard sob. he fell to his knees as his own soldiers brought hamilton to the ship. laurens couldn’t look at him- no, wouldn’t look at him.  
the tears wouldn’t stop as they traveled on the ship.  
the guilt that hung over. the silence. he wouldn’t dare touch his husband now.  
laurens stayed alone at the bar. getting a drink or two to try and wash out the memory.  
the loud bang of the gun, the thud of hamilton as he fell. the shiver lauren felt. he never expected to have to shoot him, only to watch burr force him out there. the regret in his gut, in his stomach. his nerves-  
sobs turned to chokes. laurens was once again sobbing. he choked out a sigh as he gulped it back down, resting his forehead on the top of his fist. it would be over with soon.  
the death of hamilton would be dealt with, and he wouldn’t have to look at the corpse.  
but it dawned to laurens. silence in their house. silence from the schuyler sisters. silence as he walked in silence down the streets. as he finished his last and final sip of alcohol, he decided it was best to leave before it became worse.  
“i’m so, so sorry, alex... i didn’t think-...”  
why apologize? it’s not like he could hear him anyways.  
as laurens walked to go to where alex was being held as the town’s soft wails were heard in different parts, everything sounded silent. the town felt terrible for laurens.  
the tears still falling down the cheeks hamilton used to caress at night before they both fell asleep. reaching the chin that alex would hold when they kissed each other. falling down to the ground that laurens walked. the sand and dirt he left as he walked over them helped fade the visible, small tear puddle.  
laurens was a mess. people could tell as he walked. he tried to look brave and strong, laurens standing upright as he held his head high. the tears slid through his brave grin. his hands shook as they rested behind his back. the sobs were either choked or coughed up in laurens’ throat.  
he wanted to be brave for alex. he wanted alex to know he didn’t mean to, and that he just wanted him to know that he was trying.  
trying.  
....  
....  
....  
....  
laurens falls to his knees in an alley he walked into to avoid the public seeing him break down into the oncoming tears. his fists pounded on the wall as he sobbed out, hard.  
“god damnit, god damnit. god damnit!! alex, i’m sorry!”  
his fists bled after a while, laurens’ fists resting on the wall as his once before loud sobs turned to soft quivers. the same ones that alex used to receive if he calmed laurens.  
“please. alexander, this is all i shall ask of y-you.” he choked it out, soft and silently towards the wall nearby as his blood rested on the wall from his fists.  
“forgive me, alex...”


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the beautiful memories of john's and alex's wedding way back then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay update  
> i've stopped crying over the world was wide enough and man i'm happy w/ my story
> 
> today's gonna be a bit less depressing so have the wedding

the warm atmosphere of the room reflected back in laurens' memory. the warm smile from that day faded onto his lips as he laid back in his desk's chair.

john took alex's hand, rubbing it with his thumb as he looked over into alex's eyes.

"isn't this pleasant?"

"most definitely, laurens." alexander's warm smile made john's stomach flutter about with butterflies. god, john loved his smile.  
whenever they first met, john's heartbeat went into a frenzy. he was quiet for a few moments but became himself once more. hamilton's gaze to him made him fall, how gentle hamilton was whenever they were alone. john loved it all. he felt special whenever he was with hamilton.

hamilton's view was,,, different. never in a bad way though, for he seriously loved john.

hamilton wanted to make john feel special. he wanted to make him happy.

hamilton feared he would one day lose his love, the same way he lost his father. the same way he lost his mother. the same way he lost his cousin, so he tried. he tried to make sure he was happy, make sure he was well and pleasant. hamilton made sure he was able to go on another day.

whenever the two first met, hamilton wanted to make john fall in love with him although he wasn't sure if he had the sexuality to.

the day he saw john's cheeks turn red and john's eyes turn soft, he realized he had done it. hamilton stifled the grin he showed john at the time, and he softened up as well.

whenever hamilton looked into john's eyes the night he proposed suddenly, they teared up like many nights before when john couldn't be as strong as he normally was. on instinct, hamilton hugged him, close. john smiled slightly and hugged back, coughing slightly into his chest as he nodded happily to hamilton.  
hamilton laughed slightly as he kissed john's head that night.

but that was months ago.

hamilton and john now stood together, hand in hand as they looked into each other's eyes happily, john beginning to tear up.

"mister john laurens," angelica smiled, looking towards him. "do you take alexander hamilton to be your husband?

"y-yes." he choked it out, hamilton smiled lovingly as he wiped away a joy tear as it fell from john's eye.

the crowd softly awed to hamilton's action.

"and mister alexander hamilton," angelica's gaze made it's way to him. hamilton happily smiled at her. "do you take-"

"yes! i do-" hamilton stopped suddenly from his excitement, covering his mouth a moment. "pardon me. yes, i do."

john laughed softly, smiling at hamilton as hamilton awkwardly chuckled.

"well then, that settles it. hamilton, you may now kiss your husband." angelica smiled to them, hands resting by her side.

hamilton happily leaned forward and kissed laurens, his new husband.

as the night went on, many other founding fathers congratulated the newly wed. hamilton always held john's hand tight, intertwined together even as hamilton's hand nervously sweat.

"hamilton, hun,"

hamilton's heart skipped a beat, looking over to john as he tugged at his collar.

"yes, laurens?"

"why are you sweating so badly?"

"just a bit nervous."

john frowned silently, rubbing hamilton's hand with his other hand. "why so nervous?"

hamilton sighed, cheeks hot. "because i can't believe i got the courage to marry a gentleman like you, laurens."

john froze a moment, his hand freezing as well. his hand rested on hamilton's as he smiled once more to him. "well, hamilton..."

john suddenly woke, eyes wide as he softly gasped. he sat up and looked around, realizing he had fallen asleep.

he rubbed his eyes tiredly as he sighed, deciding to get out of their once before shared bed.

laurens tied his hair back tiredly and loosely, and left their house to go find hamilton's grave.

john sat beside hamilton's grave. he didn't care whether it got his uniform dirty, he just cared to be with hamilton now.

"ham,, hammy, hun..." he teared up.

hamilton never did have the chance to tell him how he felt. never did have the opportunity to tell him of his view, and now hamilton, on the other side, felt guilty.

"ham,,, my man. i hope heaven has accepted you, like i had always hoped." he laughed a bit nervously, biting his lip afterwards for a moment.

"i must let you go now, hm?" john laid beside the grave, looking to the darkening sky. "i'm sorry for what i have done, hun. please, forgive me."

as john continued talking to hamilton through the dirt and casket, he talked himself to sleep, back where he was way before he had to ever shoot hamilton due to the force of aaron burr.

the newly wed was walking out of the small church, hand in hand, before hamilton swept laurens off his feet with a soft holler from john. the two laughed as laurens wrapped his hands around his neck, kissing his cheek and jaw calmly.

the two walked off with the cheers from the church wailing out. the cheers from neighbors and neighborhoods as a whole. john softened and smiled as he looked up to hamilton.

john cried, in reality and in his dream, as he mumbled the words silently to himself, in hopes hamilton would somehow hear and smile and say it back to him.

"god. alexander hamilton, i love you so much."


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello aaron.  
> it's nice to meet you here today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry i've been gone--  
> boy do i love band  
> and solos
> 
> cries

aaron burr stood silent.

of course, he didn't think he was going to have told john to murder his husband. he had only thought john would listen at first to fool him and his finger wouldn't slip.

of course john's finger slipped, he didn't realize his hands were sweating so badly. john just wanted this to end, he felt like this was torture. aaron knew it was, and just wanted to see how long it would last.

aaron's expression did soften up when he realized what he had heard. the sound of the gunshot, the sound of john's sudden cry.

whenever aaron heard and knew he was dead, he immediately left without a second word to john laurens. he knew he needed to let the man mourn over the death of his husband.

aaron burr sighed and left the scene, looking down as he walked.

\-----------------

aaron sighed silently as he walked the streets, silent. he knew hamilton and laurens were so happy today, and he ruined it. of course, nobody would know it was him who had done it, forced laurens to do it.

aaron stood innocent. only for now.

aaron had never took so much as to judge laurens' and hamilton's relationship. mostly everybody in the little town supported them both and still treated them as if they were normal. aaron didn't doubt that they weren't normal, but knew that they wouldn't be the same as every other couple.

aaron knew that laurens and hamilton was happy, and, sadly, he ruined it for them.

aaron sat alone in his room, and at their wedding reception, and alone whenever he watched hamilton die. the people still thought that aaron had nothing to do with it.

aaron didn't blame them when he sat in his room alone at night, lying in silence as he thought about the events of that day. aaron knew he was always mostly quiet, knowing he always didn't want to be open about what he thought was right.

aaron would always try to be supportive for the two. he knew that they needed it when the times were dark and when they only really had each other. when lafayette, or mulligan, or washington wasn't there, aaron offered himself as a shoulder for the two to cry on.

aaron knew it was harder for them. after they had announced that they wanted to get married, most of the town was outraged at first. nobody had peace or innocence for the two, which lasted for a few months, maybe a year.

hamilton was more stressed at night and spent most of the time writing, leaving laurens alone and worried for his fiance. aaron would sigh when he heard bad about the two successful men and would go to visit them. to check up on them, obviously.

aaron was appreciated in the hamilton and lauren's household by this time, and whenever he thought about it, he smiled.

aaron often went to their place to relax and chill out after a long day, and laurens would gladly give him a cup of tea or bring him some cookies that he had made that day while staying at home with hamilton.

the two, hamilton and laurens, were big lovebirds. they had fallen in love so quick and happily. lafayette had told burr it was probably love at first sight. burr didn't doubt that it was.

aaron thought the two were meant for each other, and all he felt now was guilt because of what he had done to ruin it. he could never forget what he had made laurens do on accident, and he would never have the guts to ever tell the town about it.

aaron didn't realize he was crying until he fear the tears stream down from his cheeks down onto his bed's mattress. he sighed shakily and went to go clean his face off from the tears and situated himself back on his bed, staring outside the window into the dark, midnight sky.

aaron nodded to himself as he thought out what had happened, wincing when he remembered hamilton's death. he sighed once more and laid down. 

he thought of laurens and how he must be dealing with it. he thought about going to the household, but remembered he probably wasn't welcomed there anymore. he frowned and rubbed his temples. he felt the last few tears fall down his face and onto his mattress and fell asleep with them. aaron quickly woke the next day to knocking on his door, the man quickly sitting up. he hadn’t taken off his uniform and didn’t seem to take any more time to go to the door. “john laurens??” aaron mumbled as he opened the door to see him. “aaron...” laurens mumbled, aaron silent. aaron knew what was bound to happen, and sighed softly. he opened his arms up for him and laurens immediately hugged him. laurens wouldn’t have done this if there was somebody else to cry on, but there wasn’t. “lafayette and washington is out of town?” laurens nodded sadly, sniffing into burr’s uniform. burr patted his back and sighed, holding him close. “laurens,,, it’s alright. come on in, shh,,” he gently ushered the boy inside, laurens following along to his actions as sniffed gently, unable to stop thinking of hamilton. burr sat down in a chair and gently rubbed laurens’ back. he knew laurens just needed a push and comfort, and he would be alright. burr sighed as he held laurens close. “i-i’m.” “s-sorry. i know.” burr was silent after that, waiting until he knew laurens was better and let him leave. afterwards, he stepped out and watched him leave after a moment of thinking about it, looking out into the sky often. he sighed and nodded once more, heading back inside as he spoke. “i shall apologize though you already know, laurens.” john heard from afar and frowned, sighing softly as he rubbed his face. john walked home and laid in the once before shared bed, hugging the pillow that held hamilton’s scent. his lip quivered and he held back. “you’re strong, laurens. hamilton would want you strong.”


End file.
